Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely, in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting “Holy shit, what a ride!”
~ Mavis Leyrer
The fact that I grew up with a father who lived in a tent in the middle of our living room, which he called his pyramid while trying to transport himself back to Egypt, pretty much guaranteed I wasn’t strolling in anywhere unscathed. No, I am definitely going to be one of those people crashing into heaven with a shit load of cuts and bruises, upside down, yelling holy shit I need a drink.
So with April 7th, the night of my show almost upon me it came as no surprise to me I was becoming anxious. For starters the event was called Hottie Rock, cleverly named by my husband Jimi Bones. Number two for those of you who missed my blog several weeks ago, Hottie Rock consisted of me being sandwiched between Hottie number one who was twenty three and Hottie number two who was twenty-six, which I came to realize that if you added their two ages together and minus a few years you would have me. Yeah, so as April 7th approached I went out to find the perfect outfit. I had my trusty friend Jessica with me for moral support and feed back as we pushed our way through Filene’s basement in search of perfection. Jess was on fire as she pulled dress after dress from the racks. We even scored, so we thought, an orange Jumpsuit, a total throw back to Diana Ross, which by the way looked amazing on the hanger and not so amazing on my thighs. But alas we found an army green silk low back dress. The dress had metal chains for straps and a drop waist, which we paired with a copper chain belt. A pair of feathered earrings, with some strappy heels finished off the outfit and I was Rock Star Ready!
The night of the show our friend Pete came by the house to pick Jimi and I up along with our three guitars, two amps, cable chords, guitar stands, and cheat sheets. “For God Sake will someone tell The Bitter End to get a back-line?” I waited till the last minute to put on my new outfit for fear of wrinkling up the fabric and to add a little drama to my presentation. I sauntered into the living room feeling AWESOME as I presented myself. Silence....Ah yes, Pete and Jimi just stood there looking quizzical.
“Hmm, wow, so this is what you are wearing tonight?” Jimi said.
“ Yes, isn’t it so Rock and Roll?”
“ So, you picked that out with Jessica?”
“ Who’s Jessica” Pete asked
“ She’s the principal of the school we volunteer at.”
“ Oh, she went out with the principal to buy a rock and roll outfit.”
“What, what you don’t like it?” I blurted out
“NOOOOOOO, I love it honey. I mean if we were going to dinner at a fancy restaurant, where they serve expensive food on tiny little plates while listening to Jazz in the background your outfit would be perfect.”
Ok, seeing that Jimi comes from the school of Punk, toured with Joan Jett, Kix and Blondie I had a feeling he might have a point, clearly I was wearing "adult evening wear". “Shit, what am I suppose to wear now?” Have no fear Jimi Bones is here! Within five seconds flat he had me in a naughty schoolgirl skirt with a striped tight shirt I had worn the night before to the Broadway show, American Idiot, and super high black boots. Oh yea, I got to keep the feather earrings on. I looked hot! Damnit he was right, perhaps I should appear on a TLC episode of “What not to wear."
We arrived at the club around 8:00 and pushed our way through the crowd making our way to the dressing room. Dressing room, yeah more like a beer storage room with an ice machine, several broken chairs and one mirror that had been completely graffittied over. As I waited for Hottie Rock night to begin I could hear a different act go on, she was young I mean barely legal-young. She had long blonde hair, green eyes and kind of looked like Taylor Swift so I was expecting country pop music. What I got was Baby Taylor Swift cranking out tunes like Strange Fruit by Billy Holiday. Wow, she was awesome. After Strange Fruit she broke out into a speech about why she felt it was important that everyone in the audience write letters, makes phone calls telling our congressman not to cut federal funding to Plan Parent Hood. Go figure?
It was time for Hottie Rock. Our good friend Marvin was the MC of the night he also was our heckler. Of course he saved that special gift for me. First up was our Latin Hottie who wore shorts so short her butt cheeks were hanging out. And by the way the only thing better than her butt cheeks was her Mary Tyler Moore over-sized floppy brown hat. I just kept waiting for her to fling it up in the air and sing, “were going to make it after all”. She didn’t, however, she did give us a balls out show-stopping performance singing two of her originals pop songs, and considering it was her second or third performance ever, she gave it!
Next up Jonesbones, Hottie Rock number two, and you know what, I was Hot and I F______in' Rocked, Hard! And as I stomped around stage singing the lyrics to the Nefertiti Jones song,
“I jumped up and down on my bed all day and I screamed till the walls almost cracked. I drove my mama insane but it was all in my NAME I was destined and I never looked back.
I knew that I had arrived in the right place at the right time and I was in for the ride of my life.
Jonesbones even managed to get a standing ovation in the middle of our song Broken Dolls.
Last up Hottie number three, our Irish bombshell from Queens, actually not sure if she is from Queens but kind of had that Queens vibe wore leather pants and a tiny tank top. Her style was more Broadway than Rock but she had a wit to her lyrics that held the audience non-the less. In fact the four hot male school teachers from Jess’s school sitting in the front row were yelling and cheering the whole way through her remake of Sexual Healing.
It was a sold out night. So packed that several people found it to crowded to get in. A night consisting of a half black half white woman singing Rock. A Taylor Swift look-a-like singing old blues, a Latin Hottie dressed like a cross between the Kardashians and Mary Tyler Moore singing Pop and an Irish looking girl from Queens singing Broadway, go figure.
Even cooler than what was on stage was the packed house in front of us. An audience as young as 21, and as old as 70. A mixture of Black, White, Latin, Arab and a Chinese kid with seriously curly hair he swears he developed when he left China and moved to America. We had Mohawks and Tattoos, aging hippies, punk rockers, homeboys and Mary Poppins all crammed into one room on a misty Thursday night in the middle of the Village, and it suddenly dawned on me, are we in the greatest city ever? Or is it because we are artists, although not everyone in the audience were artists. Is it because we are a young country the melting pot of the world? Or is it because we as women had evolved over the years and are no longer limited to baking cookies on the sideline watching life happen without us.
Regardless of the reasons, no one that night would ever be the type to politely stroll into Heaven. No this crowd was the type that would be screaming and kicking down doors and I was glad to be a part of it all.
Till next week my fabulous women make sure to do something worth talking about ten years from now!
XO
Nef
